Blog #3, Introduction Types

In class we were asked to write a fictional story on 9/11. This is my first attempt of the introduction. I tried to create a background feeling for the characters and how the event impacted his life. Here it is!

“I love you”, those are the last three words I heard from my beloved wife of twenty years. Those words ring through my head, over and over, I love you, I love you, I love you. I remember that day just like I remember my birthday; it probably will be remembered as a tragedy in America by all. How could anyone do such a thing to our nation? These flashbacks bring me to tears, although it is five years later. This might as well be written on my grave as the most significant and memorable event in my lifetime.

This is my first technique. I attempted to use description to make my introduction strong and catchy.

I was a man defined by a black charcoal face, burnt hair, and the man who sat for hours. The big hand made a 360 degree rotation before I even moved. The baby blue sky, clear of all white in sight, was brighter and more intense than usual. That did not change my reaction. I am a silent man now, I have no words. My life is like the rubble that remained for months, bland and a mess. 

This is my second  technique for revision. I tried to use a question to catch the readers attention.

Have you ever wondered how it feels to loose the most important person in your life? What if it happened now? Right this second? What if you didn't know you lost them until later? How would you feel? Would you be lost? Scared? Worried? Or would you be in a dream? What would you remember?

My third technique for revision is a shocking statement in order to catch the readers eye and give an interest for the paper.

September 11th, coincidence? Think about it, New York City has 11 letters, and so does Afghanistan. One of the planes was flight number 11, the number of passengers on one of the planes was 65, 6+5=11. The date was 9/11 and the emergency call number id 911. This is more than just luck and happening. Horrible people planned to ruin our lives. Two thousand nine hundred and ninety six people dead. Dead. 

Blog 2 Showing vs. Telling

 1.For the past year I have worked part time at Wegmans. Throughout the long shifts on the weekends and hours on hours over the summer, I have met some interesting people. One particular Friday afternoon I was excited to almost be done with my shift and go home and hang out with friends. A larger lady came through my line just as it was time to turn my light off, but I had to take her. She had three carts of groceries, and continues to tell me she was in a hurry. I did my best to start checking her out and I called a manager over for extra help bagging so this process would take less time. When a manager arrived, this lady told me how she didn’t want extra confusion and she didn’t want two people checking out her groceries because we would have to run her credit card twice. The manager left but came back at the end to help this lady push her carts. She had four or more of everything. Four cakes, four pies, four of each kind of cereal etc. This made it easier to pack her bags because I didn’t have to be concerned with breaking anything. She was loading her groceries on the belt so slow that I could keep up with her pace. She picked up her fruits, the four packages of blueberries slipped out of her hands and dropped all over the floor. They were everywhere and her face started blushing. I called maintenance over to clean up the spill and after it was cleaned up she picked up a gallon of milk from her cart and it was leaking all over the place. Furious, she yelled at me to call someone to clean it up again, and asked to speak with a manager. She complained to the manager about how our products are terrible and they shouldn’t be allowed to sell some foods, even though this mess was her fault. We all remained calm as the lady stormed out of the store and left all her groceries on the belt and in her carts. I didn’t know what to do and stayed a half hour longer in my shift to help clean up this mess.

2.

“Hi how are you today” I said repetitively to every customer who came through my line.

“Did you find everything okay?”

“Yes.” Said the lady at the end of the aisle.

It was silent until she stated “Would you hurry up? I’m in a hurry!” in an attitude tone.

“Sure I’ll call extra help and they can help with half this order.”

“Okay” she said, but it almost sounded like “k”.

After a few minutes of silence there was a loud BOOM and blueberries everywhere.

"CALL A MANAGER NOW!" She yelled, and a few seconds later I hear liquid dripping.
"HURRY UP THERES MILK EVERYWHERE!" Once again she demanded me.
"Ughhh I'm done here!" She said as she stormed out of the store.

3.

It was a sunny Friday afternoon and I was stuck at work.  It was moments before I could turn the register light off to go home when a rude customer stormed in my line.

“Hi how are you today?” I asked her as she threw her items on the belt.

She replied with “Fine” which was a clue to me she wasn't in a great mood.

She has three carts of groceries because she had a large quantity of every item, almost like she shopped once a month. 

“Did you find everything okay?” I asked her as she gave me a blank stare and told me to hurry up.

I called over a manager to help bag quicker but she refused to have him help because she thought she would have to swipe the credit card twice at the end.

A few minutes later there was a loud BOOM as the blueberry containers fell on the ground and rolled all over.

“CALL A MANAGER NOW!” she insisted.

A few seconds later her milk started dripping everywhere and she just put it on the floor and left it there.

“This is ridiculous” she stated

I remained silent because all of these problems were her fault, not my or the company’s faults.

She complained to the manager about our terrible service and how terrible I was at helping her load the groceries onto the belt, even though that is not my job.

The large lady stormed out of the store, leaving all her groceries behind and said “I’m never coming back here again!”
I stayed longer than my shift to clean up this mean lady’s mess.

Welcome to my blog! My name is Shannon O and I am from Colorado. I like to competitively swim and ski in the winter. The purpose of my blog is to share some of my writing and also to get feedback in order to improve. In addition, I would like to reflect on my work and also experiment with different types of writing. I enjoy writing if I am in the right mood, but i find it challenging to get started with an essay or piece of writing if i am not in the mood to write. I enjoy writing creative pieces but I struggle with writing research papers because they are not interesting to me. I hope you enjoy reading my different pieces and can give me valid feedback!
Shannon O