“I love you”, those are the last three words I heard from my beloved wife of twenty years. Those words ring through my head, over and over, I love you, I love you, I love you. I remember that day just like I remember my birthday; it probably will be remembered as a tragedy in America by all. How could anyone do such a thing to our nation? These flashbacks bring me to tears, although it is five years later. This might as well be written on my grave as the most significant and memorable event in my lifetime.
This is my first technique. I attempted to use description to make my introduction strong and catchy.
I was a man defined by a black charcoal face, burnt hair, and the man who sat for hours. The big hand made a 360 degree rotation before I even moved. The baby blue sky, clear of all white in sight, was brighter and more intense than usual. That did not change my reaction. I am a silent man now, I have no words. My life is like the rubble that remained for months, bland and a mess.
This is my second technique for revision. I tried to use a question to catch the readers attention.
Have you ever wondered how it feels to loose the most important person in your life? What if it happened now? Right this second? What if you didn't know you lost them until later? How would you feel? Would you be lost? Scared? Worried? Or would you be in a dream? What would you remember?
My third technique for revision is a shocking statement in order to catch the readers eye and give an interest for the paper.
September 11th, coincidence? Think about it, New York City has 11 letters, and so does Afghanistan. One of the planes was flight number 11, the number of passengers on one of the planes was 65, 6+5=11. The date was 9/11 and the emergency call number id 911. This is more than just luck and happening. Horrible people planned to ruin our lives. Two thousand nine hundred and ninety six people dead. Dead.
This is my first technique. I attempted to use description to make my introduction strong and catchy.
I was a man defined by a black charcoal face, burnt hair, and the man who sat for hours. The big hand made a 360 degree rotation before I even moved. The baby blue sky, clear of all white in sight, was brighter and more intense than usual. That did not change my reaction. I am a silent man now, I have no words. My life is like the rubble that remained for months, bland and a mess.
This is my second technique for revision. I tried to use a question to catch the readers attention.
Have you ever wondered how it feels to loose the most important person in your life? What if it happened now? Right this second? What if you didn't know you lost them until later? How would you feel? Would you be lost? Scared? Worried? Or would you be in a dream? What would you remember?
My third technique for revision is a shocking statement in order to catch the readers eye and give an interest for the paper.
September 11th, coincidence? Think about it, New York City has 11 letters, and so does Afghanistan. One of the planes was flight number 11, the number of passengers on one of the planes was 65, 6+5=11. The date was 9/11 and the emergency call number id 911. This is more than just luck and happening. Horrible people planned to ruin our lives. Two thousand nine hundred and ninety six people dead. Dead.
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