Unwanted Tears
Have you ever thought about what your
last words to your husband or wife would be? I never did, although now
they are ringing in my head like never ending church bells, I love you, I love
you, I love you. I vividly remember every second of that day, although it
has been a couple years. it was a tragedy that brought all of America
together. How could anyone do such a thing to our nation? Knowing my luck,
this would happen to me, but how did anyone deserve this? I'm in tears thinking
about it, I can’t get it off my mind, I want her back.
It was seven o’clock in the morning when
we left for work. The day was grey and there was a drizzle of rain, which set
mellow tone for the day. It was Tuesday, just the beginning of the week but we
already were looking forward for the weekend. Every day was jam packed with
paperwork and pleasing the customers at my job. I worked for Marsh &
McLennan Company, which operated on the ninety third to ninety ninth floors of
the north tower. My wife worked as a consultant at Fuji Bank and Financial
Services on the seventy-seventh floor of the south tower. We owned one car; we
drove to work together, ate lunch together and went home together. This day was
the same as every other.
As usual, I woke up at 5:30, ate a half
of a bagel, drank my coffee and read the morning paper. The headlines were
boring today, but I still read. I sat at the four-person kitchen table in the
middle of our three-room apartment, and gazed out the window. The sun seeped
through the dark clouds, but only for a couple minutes then the sky returned to
haze. Anne came out of the room at 6:30 to grab a bite to eat and then
proceeded to get ready for the workday. We showered, left chores for the kids
and then took off. We have three kids, Emily was ten at the time, John was
seven and Alicia was 3 years old. Mrs. Wagner, the nanny, arrives at seven
o’clock sharp every day. Anne and I took off for work, but on this particular
Tuesday Anne was noticeably quiet. I didn't ask her why, which I now regret.
As I arrived in my office on the ninety
third floor, the receptionist Melissa and all of my coworkers greeted me.
Everyone was friendly and treated with respect. I was moved from the
ninety-ninth floor down to the ninety-third floor last month, but yet the workers
on this floor welcomed me. We were an international firm, which provided advice
and solutions in strategy, human capital and areas of risk. My job was to help
companies plan and respond to crucial business issues. I organized all the paperwork
and imputed the information companies gave us into the computer system so my
coworkers could retrieve it with ease off the computers when in meetings. I
remember this day like the back of my hand, at eight o’clock in the morning I
began to input data into the computer system. I was working on a company based
out of China, going through the forty pages one by one. Suddenly I realized
that I left some of the necessary paperwork in the car and I left to go get it
in the parking garage underground.
It was 8:46 am when my cell phone rang.
The caller ID told me it was my wife; I ignored the call so I could finish this
set of paperwork. Two more calls. Another and finally I picked up the phone.
She was trembling and her voice raged of terror. Our conversation went as
follows:
“John? John? Are you there? Hello?”
“Yes I am going to the car to get some
paperwork. Is everything okay?”
“Ha-ha-have you gone outside yet? Are you
running?”
“No I am on the ground floor, what is
wrong Anne, please just tell me!”
“I heard a loud noise, and now your
building is on fire. Please stay outside. Let me know what happens. Ill be down
in an hour, I have to finish my managers meeting. I love you please stay safe.”
“I love you too.”
That was
it. As I went outside the streets were hectic, a stranger screamed a plane had
hit the building. The floors it hit included where my office was. I waited
outside, hoping that my coworkers made it out safe. I waited for minutes, until
suddenly at 9:03 another plane was headed towards the south tower where my wife
was in her meeting. I prayed that she saw it coming and started running down
the stairs. I thought to myself about how the airline crew could mix up flights
and change route and crash so easily. There must have been miscommunication.
I waited for
about an hour for my wife to escape the fire, but suddenly the tower collapsed.
I ran away from the dust cloud that was advancing towards me. I ran about a
mile, dropped to my knees and started weeping. So many thoughts went through my
head. How could this happen on this Tuesday when I had the same routine
everyday? I took out my cell phone and called my wife. Maybe she was on the
street looking for me also or maybe she was in the rubble that remained.
Voicemail. Voicemail. Voicemail. I received a call from the nanny asking if we
were okay because the collapse of the towers had been instantly on the worldly
news. I replied yes, but she could hear something wrong in my voice. She did
not dare ask me if Anne was alive, but only told me she would take care of the
children and she would stay late tonight.
I
sat on the sidewalk edge for hours. Thinking about my past, the present and
comprehending what had happened today. The sirens drove by, one after the other
for hours on end. My ears were ringing with nothing. Complete silence as I
blocked out every sound made. I screamed for Anne repetitively hoping to hear
an answer. Maybe she would return tomorrow, maybe she was going to be found. My
shirt was drenched with my tears, it was almost as though I could ring it out
and make a puddle of water on the sidewalk. I sat in the same spot on the
sidewalk for hours, and eventually I lost track of time.
This was the day I will be stuck in for the rest of my life. Not a day goes by
without tears, not a day goes by without remembrance of my wife. She was
inspiration, not only to me but to my family as well. My children are just as
confused as I am, although they are not old enough to fully understand. I
wonder what cruel soul could do such a thing, take so many lives and tear
families apart. I miss you and love you forever, Anne.
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